Why I Lie About What I Do For A Living
The world isn’t ready for women in STEAM — but I’m tired of waiting.”
It’s a joke at work that telling people what you do for a living will help get you a date and make you the most interesting person in the room. However, for an introverted highly sensitive person, this is a nightmare. Double-down for being a woman of color in leadership in a STEAM-field business. Then you have people even questioning your place doing what you’re doing or not even acknowledging you’re supposed to be there.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s another essay piece about what happened this weekend when I decided to open my mouth and tell the truth about what I do for a living. But this narrative lends more fuel to the fire that more eyes need to be on a problem: it’s 2025 and women or people of color are still not welcomed in leadership nor STEAM. (And yes, that A is supposed to be there. I am a firm believer that Art belongs with STEM. Quick arguing case: there’s a reason why you chose that smartphone you’re using and it most likely belongs to the ART category.)
Sit back, grab a glass of wine, the popcorn, and let me tell you about my Saturday. Because I have taken 2 days to process this shit to write this heaping mess of words.
The Man at the Earring Stand
I went to a city-sponsored festival this past weekend. Truth be told, even on my weekends, I still have work on the brain because that’s the life of the entrepreneur: you just can’t turn it off. My company was supposed to do a demonstration but with only a month to prepare, I didn’t want it to be okay or the stress to be on my face. I wanted to come as my best self and not worry about a single thing. Right now my business is going through an evolution and I wanted to keep things low-key. I was quietly scoping out the digs for next year, watching public interaction, looking at the ages of participants, seeing what everyone was doing and trying to plug in a gap or be something new for what they needed.
My overall goal: inspire people to get into art and teach people there is a necessary place for art inside the STEM sphere. (Which side note, all your machines can be pink. Just sayin’.) I mean, I build amazing things. I don’t get to half-ass what they look like.
Now what do I do? Normally, I tell people I do admin work. Which for the most part is true. Every week I’m reading legalese on contracts, making quotations on the computer, building new models to organize and run our workflow more efficiently, and doing whatever crap comes up. Sometimes it’s being customer service on our facebook messages because that’s a thing. Or sometimes it’s pouring hot water down every drain the 1st of the month so the cockroaches don’t come up. (Real task!)
Overall, I love what I do. It’s an honor I proudly take on. It’s just a lot. And if I’m not careful, I’ll lose myself in it and I’ll lose pieces of myself. This is why boundary setting is very important.
But in this particular instance, I don’t know what happened. My internal programming broke. I was there at the event for work, but I didn’t advertise that I was there for work. I had work on the brain, but I wasn’t in work clothes. But I don’t want to talk about work. So I should lie! But I hate lying! It hurts! So why don’t I just be honest? This is what happens when you ask an introvert to come out when she doesn’t want to.
The man, having a boisterous conversation with his neighbor, pulls me in. I don’t really want to talk and I’m just admiring the earrings. I spot a pair I really want but before I can even shop, I’m unfortunately already part of a conversation I never asked to be part of. Then he asks me the forbidden question, “what do you do for a living?”
I sigh and feel like it’s some evil prank the universe is playing on me. Even on my incogneato days I can’t catch a break. “Is there a particular reason why you’re asking me that question?”
The man says that makes him want to know more. I say it without a giggle or a flinch: “I build life-size animatronic dinosaurs.”
His reply, “oh, I met a girl a few years back who said she does that.”
“Oh really?” I inquire, “Where at?”
He tries to give me some details and gives me enough information for me to know they didn’t work with us long. “Oh, that sounds like one of my previous employees.” Emphasis on the ‘my.’ He doesn’t hear it and talks over me explaining to me my own company and what she did. I repeat the sentence. He still doesn’t hear.
I wish I could have said this was the end of the conversation and maybe I’m misunderstanding and I’m just an oversensitive C-U-Next-Tuesday. But it didn’t… (But to be fair, I am highly sensitive which is why it literally took two days to process this interaction.)
I went back to looking at earrings because despite this man enjoying the sound of his own voice, he had some interesting earrings. Regardless of who he was, I wanted some. I’m always uncomfortable so uncomfortable situations rarely stopped me from being fashionable.
As I was shopping, homeboy had more to say. I really wish he would have let me shop but I can’t say anything without it coming out rude at this point. This was the circumstance of cool earrings. He even asks me how I got into animatronic dinosaurs. I explain, “Nepotism. My father died and left me with a bunch of dinosaurs and now I have to figure out what to do with them.” It’s my little one-liner joke to quickly explain the unexplainable pain of 18 years of grief from losing my dad in my teenage years. But to him he took that as an invitation to treat me like an idiot.
So naturally, instead of giving me space to shop he did the next best thing a vendor should do which is proceeding to tell me how to do it better without fully understanding my business.
This is exactly why I lie about what I do.
This is a person I will most likely never meet again. I can sit there and argue with him. I have had this conversation 100 times in 100 different ways:
“Why don’t you have this one breathe smoke?”
“You should make the indominus rex, lots of kids know that one.”
“How come they don’t walk?”
As if the fact that my work – something they will NEVER be able to replicate without years of learning what my company and family did – just isn’t good enough. Something that captures literally the science and research we have to put into each and every creation. The technology of testing each and every material. The R&D of 20 years. The engineering passed down from my father to each person. The math of all the calculations, weights, logistics, timetables that would make you ball up and cry in a corner. But my god, the art. THE ART. Bitch, I only make it look easy. But instead you say, “well if you made one you could bring to conventions, just charge like $25 per picture just for people to sit on it and use their phone to take a picture.”
I tried to explain I have been to a convention but that’s not what we do. We don’t do B2C. He asked, “which convention?”
“Comic Con.”
“Which one?” he repeats.
“San Diego Comic Con.”
And then you said something to the effect of how people don’t do well there because the booths are expensive. As if you couldn’t handle the fact that I, a woman of color, has had her product at San Diego Comic Con.
I corrected you and said I didn’t have a booth.
I repeated again I do business to business, I make stuff for other businesses.
I was paid with corporate monies to build their booth piece.
It was like selective hearing or was I not making myself clear?
I never wanted a conversation but I don’t know why I felt the need to correct you. Maybe because this is my pride and joy and you are just happily diminishing everything I am?
And then you reminded me of your idea of bringing something to a con at a booth and charging $25 a photo. I try telling you I don’t want to do that. Someone can pay me for the thing to bring, but I do not want to do that. You remind me it’s with their own phone.
I don’t remember what I said but it was probably a grunt or some version of a succession to end the conversation because I still want to look at earrings. The conversation is tiresome and gives me no joy. It’s not providing me any growth, and it's not really about what I do for a job. Is it?
I left feeling icky from the interaction. I paced up and down the next aisle of booths not actually looking but feeling my feelings until they went away. I couldn’t name them at this point, but I didn’t like how it left me feeling. Thankfully, the value of the earrings overcame the interaction, especially since one of them was a gift!
I Really Regret Opening My Mouth
There’s never a time I come out of an interaction like that where I have said, “wow, I’m really glad I stood up for myself.” Even though I know I didn’t do anything wrong, that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t hurt. So when I open my mouth, I’m always taking the risk of putting myself out there.
And it’s always disappointing to meet someone who has to put you through the emotional tumble cycle just to make sure your hem is strong. Like emotional blankets, emotional firewalls should be tested, too. The work was done, the wall was built and the cannons were fired and tested.
Just because I’m still standing doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt and I need to wait for my cuts to heal. I’m not weak, I’m sensitive. I’ve never been this age before on this day, and my body felt this was important. I don’t know everything! But I’m willing to sit and figure this out.
And here’s what I came up with in two days:
I regret opening my mouth because it’s not about winning. It’s a lose-lose situation. No one wakes up in the morning and says “I want to be a complete asshat to everyone.” Maybe my cat, but not people. Something happens. They get filled with evil from other evil or maybe someone made them feel less because they took too much from them. For some in authority, they need to feel power because they may come from a place of being nothing.
But none of this is anybody’s responsibility but theirs.
So, why are we living in a world where this is even a thing to allow people to emotionally suitcase slam into others? It certainly won’t be me who convinces this person to change their mind and look at the skeletons in their closet. To hold a mirror up to a stranger is weird, but just this short interaction is enough for me to feel it. It’s extremely tiring. This is why I’m an introvert. This is why I lie about what I do in public. But maybe I wouldn’t have to, if women or people of color in STEAM fields could be regarded as equals.
And I could tell this story and there would be someone in the comments who says “maybe it was your tone” or “maybe it was how you were carrying yourself” or there will always be something to criticize me about. Just like my animatronic dinosaurs. Can’t you just listen to me and be content with what it is? There was no one else there to witness this conversation but here’s the honest truth:
I JUST WANTED TO BUY SOME EARRINGS.
I didn’t have to answer a question but I did. Maybe next time I’ll keep my mouth shut.
Now see?
I sound stupid.
Because if a kid said that, you’d lose your shit over that line.
And this is why I speak up.
So the future generation of Lady Makers don’t have to go through cringey conversations like this one.
What’s the Solution?
I had to write this. It took me two days of processing internally and some mind work with the help of AI bouncing off thoughts, questions of “why the fuck are people like this?”, and a void of spiraling thoughts like that. I needed to get this out and into words for the world to see. Only for you to know there isn’t a solution. There’s only work and consistency.
I think any gardener will tell you that you don’t get to plant your seeds and you’re done. You did a garden! Congrats! Now, it needs constant maintenance. You do the work and you maintain it. And don’t ever consider it a punishment. I’m not here to preach or make you feel like crap. We’re all on this planet we call Earth, dealing with all sorts of problems, but what if I told you it didn’t have to be awful if we just changed our behaviors for the better? We get to be here and learn together.
I’m not asking you to punish yourself, I’m asking you to play in my space.
~When you as a spectator see bad behavior, call it out in a way that does not leave a negative impression on either side. Be a protector, a fan, but not a jury or judge. No one likes to be treated less than. I don’t, so even the people who are bad, let’s not be mean to them. Let’s model good behavior. Even those with the bad behavior, like mentioned earlier, no one chooses to be bad, so it’s important we guide them and not guilt them into changing. It will create a negative vacuum and all behavior will only come from a place of animosity. We all have something we love, and we can find common ground and enjoy it. We all like to have fun, don’t we?
When you as an observer see someone is struggling, don’t offer advice. Just encouragement. Compliment their bravery. It’s hard to be vulnerable and we should commend those on showing their inner feelings. Thank them for the opportunity–the moment they have just gifted you with for expanding your view. You are not entitled to any one’s life, consider yourself lucky to be included. And for you reader, thanks for taking the time for reading this! You’ve made it so far and I really appreciate it!
When you as a leader are in a position of leadership- choose fairness, equality, and choose to sow the seeds. Be prepared for those you guide to surpass you. Don’t be alarmed, that’s supposed to happen. It’s a sign of good cultivation. It’s the natural sign that the future generation is growing. Congrats! You’re doing great!
When you are a speaker, keep speaking even when some confidently wrong person will open their mouth. If you’re around others, maybe someone can step up and help. Or you can help yourself and find patience when someone gives them none. Understand it’s not about you and even though they may be trying to steal your time, it’s a sign of help that they’re internally struggling. When you feel upset, instead, test yourself to see if you can rearrange your thinking to see what their call for help is. But most importantly, you are not in charge of helping them.
But I do want to say, for all the people who spoke up and got shut down, good job on summoning the bravery to do that. It’s not easy to speak up, especially when the world works so hard to silence people by bringing their suitcase of unresolved issues with them. It’s not your fault. It just means they ain’t ready to hear what you have to say. There’s 8.2 billion people in the world, maybe someone else is.
All in all, I pity the earring man. His suitcase is so huge, he can’t even acknowledge what I say. He can’t hear that I have had doors slammed in my face so many times that I can’t even feel safe being me. It’s not his job to see that, but it’s a social responsibility to create community. And the worst irony of all is the only thing he needs to fix is himself. BUT! Only he can take a look in the mirror and change his ways. And that is why he will only be making earrings and I’m going to keep inspiring the next generation with animatronic dinosaurs.
So what does it all mean?
Honestly, it means nothing until you make it mean something. For me, it doesn’t hold value as to who I am, except that I can’t exist in a space without being demeaned. But that’s not really my problem, now is it?
Thankfully, now you know what happens when I tell the truth. When I exist in the space and try to be human. Now you know what happens when I’m friendly.
So you can’t blame me for not putting my best foot forward. But rather than throwing a fit, there’s 8.2 billion people in the world and I will find my people. Just don’t be confused if next time I say:
I JUST WANT TO BUY SOME FUCKING EARRINGS.
This is why I lie about what I do for a living. 💀
Thank you for reading! I originally was writing a paid post about my cat (quality content), but this interaction was really bothering me. I wanted to give some insight into my world and as I tell my employees, friends, and people who know me, “my life is weird.”
If you want to learn more about my family’s business, you can learn more here. Any business questions, please go through a business channel. Not my substack where my PERSONAL art lives. If you do that, you are insanely tactless and deserve anything that comes your way.
Commenting on the piece, the emotions, and being relatable is welcome. What is not welcome is telling me how to do my day job. If you do that, I will probably refer you back to re-reading my essay and you’ll end up giving me more to write about.
Got a comment? Something to share? Please share it! I read every comment! I reply to every one too! I would love to hear from you!
Got my popcorn, this was a doozy.
“I build life-size animatronic dinosaurs.” - like really, omg that is the most fascinating thing I’ve heard to actually do. for a living. woah.
C-U-Next-Tuesday and asshat lines are brilliant, i won’t plagiarize them in a future post of mine although I want to.
I’m really sorry about your dad, he left you a treasure.
Comic con is huge. congrats.
Oh, and fuck his earrings - the necklace you’re wearing in your photo is the bomb.